No Bad News!

"If we're going to be buddies, better bone up on the rules 'cause don't nobody bring me no bad news. You can be my best of friends - as opposed to payin' dues. But don't nobody bring me no bad news......"

Evelline from The Wiz

I don't watch the news & I don't read the paper. Never really did. I am far too much of an empath to hear about all the stuff going on in the world to move through my day unfettered by the weight of it all.

For most of my career, I have chosen to work with under served populations. They are the people, despite my myriad experiences, whom I most readily identify with and whom I believe, most need my help. I have volunteered & worked professionally with in correctional institutions (much to my mother's dismay), teen aged moms, persons affected by HIV/AIDS, the homeless, those affected by substance abuse, chronically mentally ill and alleged perpetrators of myriad infractions, crimes and misdemeanors. Given that most of my work has taken place in several of N.J.'s most active urban centers - one of which I grew up in - I have been no stranger to seeing folks I know make the paper - and the news usually ain't good.

In High School, it was kinda cool to see your friend's name's in the papers. It was usually the only time when people with names like "Universal God Allah" and "Justice Born" would stop "building" long enough to actually read something besides what appeared in one of their "lessons" (Peace to the Gods & Earths). I digress. Again, the news they were breaking "cipher" for usually wasn't good. When I went off to college in Wash, D.C. - to seemingly continue my lifelong theme of finding the biggest ghetto possible and making myself right at home- I dove right in doing volunteer work in local boys & girls clubs, hospitals and correctional facilities. So too continued my experiences seeing folks that I knew making the headlines. Marion Barry- enough said.

So back to the point, the news depresses me, especially when it is bad news about people that I know. So I avoid the news until someone brings the news right to my face. I figure, if I don't know- I don't need to know and when I need to know, I will find out. Period.

I sit at work listening to people go on and on about this, that and the third- most of which has no bearing on their lives whatsoever....but, which drives me to distraction. The conversations usually go something like this:

Co-Worker #1- " Can you believe that.. (fill in the blank with the tragedy Du jour)? I can't believe it! Isn't it terrible?

Co-Worker #2 - "No, I can't, it's just terrible that..(fill in the blank)"

Me- ...silently wishing that they-for their own safety- will abide by my admittedly effed up rule of "don't talk to me before 9:30, cause I am NOT a morning person and have no filter to stop the cuss words and not-so- subtle threats to do you bodily harm from flowin' freely all over this damn office. " But alas, all of my co-workers drink coffee and are therefore just chock full of meaningless chatter at 8:00 a.m...... Oh, damn, here they come, time for me to pull out my "reserve nerve" so they can mount up and get to ridin' it.

Co-Worker's #1 & #2 - all together now- "KC, you are awfully quiet over there, what do you think?"

Me thinking.....

"What do I think? I think that I don't know what in the hell you all are even talking about and really could care less. Actually, I probably really do care- too much in fact. I care so much that I don't want to hear the s*%t because I will carry all the sordid details around for the rest of the day like an ant with a elephant carcass-just overwhelmed by the weight of it all. I Care too much because what you are talking about probably involves someone I know, or someone who might as well be someone I know, or someone who looks like someone I know and it is all just too overwhelming for me seeing as how I feel so damn powerless to control any of it. I cannot digest and regurgitate the tragedy flavored soundbites you are trying to feed me like candy. I am a social worker damn it- nothing that affects the lives of those around me is insignificant to me-don't you fu*&^n' get it yet! And.... since I really don't want to be talking to you -in the first place, about anything- in the second place, at this ungodly hour -in the third place, I wish that you would just leave me the hell alone- I am perfectly fine playing my role of the village idiot to the fullest at this time. Furthermore, I think that you all need to start minding your own damn business because you are too damn nosey for your own damn good. Didn't your mother's teach you any damn manners. Always asking me personal s*%t and wanting to know what I think. You don't know me like that and we ain't friends! Damn, these people know they can work a damn nerve!" side bar...now would be a good time to inform you that I am the only black person in my office.

But what I say is: "Do you all realize what time it is?"

Co-Worker #1: "Oops! I forgot. I know, I know - no questions before 9:30. Ha, ha, ha. Khadijah you are so funny."

Me thinking...."ha, ha hell."

Co-Worker #2: "Ha, ha, ha, yeah. But is was really a shame that (fill in the blank again).

Co-Worker #1: "Yeah and did you hear......."

and so it goes......

I am almost always the last to hear the breaking news, I have nothing to contribute by way of current events to any conversation that is not centered around food and music and I am extremely skilled at playing completely dumb when the need arises, with no shame whatsoever. Ignorant? Maybe. Whatever. This selective ignorance is sort of a defense mechanism I have developed over the years and regardless of how it looks to the outside observer, it works well for me.

Honestly, there was a time when so many of the children that I worked with were getting hurt, killed or locked up and I would be so distracted by their tales of woe that I would be rendered relatively ineffective for the other children that were still in my care- who needed my full, undivided attention and who counted on me to deliver that ray of hope for the day. But, how could I- I was too caught up in worrying that tomorrow's headlines would somehow involve one of them. It was then, like Neo from the Matrix, that I unplugged.

Now, I will be the first to admit, this is not the most enlightened way to move through life. But sometimes, really most of the time, the news of today is just to heavy for little old me. Trust me when I tell you-knowing a lotta stuff is supremely over rated. It is in the bliss of ignorance where the true ballers ball and the players play. So people can try to bring me all the bad news they want, but Ms. K is not even trying to pick up what they are putting down- these days, the s*&t is just too heavy for this sensitive soul to bear.

One,

Ms.K